A lot of online journalists have talked about “getting naked” in their blogs lately, which essentially means to talk candidly about a subject close to you (a topic you may not disclose with more than family or a close friend usually). For me, this whole blog has been such, every time I show a picture or tell of a memory. Well, within reason – it is the world wide web, after all, and security matters. *shrugs* Anyway…
—begin naked disclosure—
As one might conclude, I’m an imaginative person, but I am real (at least last I checked *pinch* ha-ha). However, my imagination has been a double-edged sword. Since my childhood, I could and have loved to use my imagination to create anything I could dare, and some things I probably wouldn’t in the “real world”. To this day, I can pretend and blend into all sorts of situations, and with all sorts of people (from the young to senior, those people with and without kids, religious and the not-so-much. Sometimes, it’s a good thing. The other times one has to look out for as these times can bite you in the butt. I realize that it appears I’m bragging on some of this stuff, but actually I’m not. My point is I feel like a mediocre actor that will never be cherished or loved – isn’t meant to be in any way. Friends? In the past, they’ve been people that suck one dry and discard the same one because the one’s needs are not worth their time. Still, with every friend I make, I hope this time things will be different (the eternal optimist inside me or the inner fool??). Contrary to some people’s beliefs, my ego does not like having a pity party of one, so I don’t talk openly about my own feelings much, but I have them, which no friend has tolerated for long though most have them have said they would be there. I’m told by my own family that I’m not worth anything and sometimes I think they’re right. I’m about to have another birthday, and part of me feels like such a real loser. See why I pretend? Well, that’s not the only reason. I love to see someone else smile after being entertained (the lion roars, and she gets treats – how nice). 😛
So why keep going (with life)?? Good question. My hope for better times makes me strive onward. Another thing is holding onto the smallest things of good that happen.
For instance, this week’s happenings include:
- Joining a lot of great bloggers for Fun Monday (exhausting, but oh-so-fun!) and I actually had blog traffic – smiles everywhere!
- I received a birthday card (saving it for the weekend, I know I will so appreciate opening it fully and only card I’ll probably get *smile*)
- I made a successful purchase on EBay, and received the merchandise this week!! Yeah, I know, sounds small, but it’s a baseball card of a very special young current minor league pitcher (whom looks delicious, too *big grin*)
- And, while picking up the EBay package, I ran into someone I knew – and HE remembered ME! As I was waiting for my package from the back, this guy walked in and I actually first thought “whoa, hottie alert”. Then, I stared out of the corner of my eye, thinking “do I know him?” Anyway, my package arrived, and I was smiling (excited of its contents), and the guy turned to me and called me by name. It turned out to be a guy I knew in high school. We small-talked a bit before we had to leave, but the encounter had me smiling for the rest of the day.
Yes, some of these happenings may appear silly..but that’s what I mean by the little rays of hope that keep one going, much like that little pink bunny and his drum. 🙂
Until another day…I’m reminded of the song “Bare Necessities” from The Jungle Book animated movie, and hum it as I title and publish this entry.Yeah…I know. You can hush me up really quickly with a comment now… 😉