This is a note to a dear friend I once had, and one of whom I treasure. We parted some time ago, through circumstances beyond control. It took awhile, before I felt I could move on (so I knew I must’ve fell hard), and now I feel I can talk about it again slowly, without totally breaking down into a puddle. I’m not sure what I would say were I to meet up with him again, but I tried drafting something tonight, just to entertain the possibility of such a fantasy coming true.
I miss you dearly. Funny thing it is, for when we first chatted with each other, I never expected you to enter my heart as you did (I was there just to check things out). We were acquaintances, that got together to talk about the day or share a joke or two. I had such fun talking to you since the beginning. That an actual romantic relationship happened in the midst of it all still both amazes me and makes me smile. I loved your intelligent wit, and sensitivity you showed for our friends. Your accent and your taut body helped fuel the fire in my heart, too. (Talk about delicious fruit! heh) I really miss hearing your sweet voice, and the way you cared for what I had to say. Some days, I ache badly because you’re not there. Other moments, I’m angry with you because it all had to end. Though I know it’s not really my fault, that it was your illness, I still blame myself, like I drove you away. My mind dwells on the if-only’s, particularly if only I had been a better girlfriend or if only I would have been more worthwhile, then maybe things would have worked out better. Then, I look at your picture, or some little trinket you gave me during the years, and my heart turns to a melancholy mush. I’m sad, and yet I’m happy that we knew each other, if only for a little while. There goes that “if only” thought again. I can’t help it. You, of all people, know how my imagination runs; sometimes, you even liked it. It’s those moments I may be most appreciative. You let me make you smile, share all sorts of silliness and tender moments, too, and just loved me for who I am. Well, at least that’s what I hope (I feel that way in my heart, but that pragmatic side of me just would hate to see me disappointed, so it inserts doubt, just in case). Anyway…thanks for the memories.
Good night, my friend…where ever you may be.