Tag Archives: jokes

My Daily Giggle

Today must be special, for I’m blogging! Hah! And, I’m trying out a new Firefox blogging add-on. (Oh, did I forget to tell all I downloaded FF? Lord, have mercy on me for I gave in to the tech pressure – LOL) Anyway, I come over to my poor, neglected blog with a joke. *hugs blog* *lures readers back with cheap goodies from cereal boxes* This one caused a giggle upon my otherwise drab day.

For weeks a five-year-old child kept telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister or brother that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the child to feel the movements of the unborn baby. The five-year-old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Moreover, he stopped telling the teacher about the awaiting event. Finally the teacher sat the child on her lap and said, “Lucas, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?” Lucas burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”

For more jokes like this one, visit A Joke A Day. I don’t mean to endorse them by giving the link, but I’ve had quite a few giggles from this site’s jokes and am sharing the potential smiles. A small warning: not all jokes are G-rated, but I’ve not seen a really raunchy one there. Well, I have YET to see one – it’ll probably show me one just to prove me wrong now. ;P Speaking of links, I’ve added a link to my Google shared links on the left side of this blog. I usually add to it weekly, at least that’s been my current pattern. It’s another way I can provide a few extra juicy tidbits to my dear readers. 😉

Sliced by The Pear Lady

Ho to the Hum – anyone got a bottle of rum?

small pear - Free Clip Art at FunDraw.com Should I be offended? Someone typed “pear makes you sleepy” into a search engine and my site comes up first (well, at least at Google).  In answer to my question, no I am not offended. The phrase does make one curious as to what one is thinking / looking when doing a search. Perhaps I should be offended that someone made me think – curses! My body doesn’t want my brain doesn’t want to think, especially today. Actually, my body hasn’t want my brain to think a lot lately, perhaps because when [my brain] thinks, it goes into overdrive and one can see the smoke for miles. (Yes, Houstonians, that’s what that smoke was you saw last night. My brain. Oh well. At least it’s proof I’m using the bugger..sort of. ;-P )

I should go outside…it’s pretty out there. I’ve errands to do (darn printer just ran out of ink, in need of groceries). And, yet, I’m inside typing away. But, I think this entry may get my butt in gear. Hopefully, that gear isn’t reverse, else a whole new set of problems may arise. I shudder to think of such things, and yet I still do!

Where the heck am I going with this entry? I’m not sure, and the only answer I can think of is an old joke a friend told me once.

What do you get when you cross and elephant and a rhinoceros?”

{look inside for answer}

Continue reading

Resolving to have a Happy New Year

I’m not a person that really makes official “New Year’s Resolutions”, however I’ve had fun with them in the past. What can one really vow to accomplish but to “do better in _____”[fill-in-the-blank with whatever task one wants to accomplish at the moment]?  In that regard, Rex Barker of Joke-of-the-day.com has once again given out some great resolutions that go along with my kind of thinking (scary that it may be at times). Feel free to pull up a chair with me as I go through them.
sitting in chair with remote smiley from smileycentral.com

Alternative Affirmations for the New Year…

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. (Because whom doesn’t  love my demonic side of life – muhahaha!)

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.  (for it makes for more interesting stories to share)

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault. (why the heck would I want that extra burden? I’ve enough of my own, thank-you-very-much. *sarcastic grin*)

4. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. *sticks out tongue*)

5. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment. (actually, it’s quite frightening at times, but we won’t go there right now.)

6. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain. (for that’s why I have a blog, right? LOL)

7. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding. ($$$$=pretty-green-stuff Money may be the root of all evil, but it sure helps out sometimes to better us all.)

8. I am at one with my duality. (Because it makes me twice as much fun…ha-ha!)

9. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots. (Ever do a pretzel with a broomstick?)

10. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday. (or 5th birthday depending on how flexible I’m feeling that day. LOL)

11. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

12. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so!” 😉

13. A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution. (hmm…solutions…reminds me of Chemistry…ah, I like those thoughts, especially of Organic Chemistry.)

14. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom. (That’s why laptops come in really handy.)

15. I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future? (Amen.)

16. The complete lack of evidence is the surest proof that the conspiracy is working. (I don’t know why, but George Michael’s “Faith” just popped in my head…oh, my.)

17. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he’s a mile away and barefoot.

Whew! Resolutions are done for the moment. Happy New Year to you all!
See you next year! 😉

Sliced by The Pear Lady

View a Random Slice

Want neat jokes delivered to your email for free that have great style? Join Joke-of-the-day! (no spam, minimal advertising) I get nothing for this plug, just sharing my good fortune. 😉

Giggle of the Moment

Seen and heard at the post office…

a postal worker in the back suddenly exclaimed:

“I’m so tired I need to be retread.”

A bit silly looking back, but it gets a giggle from me. 😀

Sliced by The Pear Lady

View a Random Slice

wordpress Tags: