Tag Archives: resolutions

Resolving to have a Happy New Year

I’m not a person that really makes official “New Year’s Resolutions”, however I’ve had fun with them in the past. What can one really vow to accomplish but to “do better in _____”[fill-in-the-blank with whatever task one wants to accomplish at the moment]?  In that regard, Rex Barker of Joke-of-the-day.com has once again given out some great resolutions that go along with my kind of thinking (scary that it may be at times). Feel free to pull up a chair with me as I go through them.
sitting in chair with remote smiley from smileycentral.com

Alternative Affirmations for the New Year…

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath. (Because whom doesn’t  love my demonic side of life – muhahaha!)

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.  (for it makes for more interesting stories to share)

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault. (why the heck would I want that extra burden? I’ve enough of my own, thank-you-very-much. *sarcastic grin*)

4. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal. (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. *sticks out tongue*)

5. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment. (actually, it’s quite frightening at times, but we won’t go there right now.)

6. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain. (for that’s why I have a blog, right? LOL)

7. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as rewarding. ($$$$=pretty-green-stuff Money may be the root of all evil, but it sure helps out sometimes to better us all.)

8. I am at one with my duality. (Because it makes me twice as much fun…ha-ha!)

9. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots. (Ever do a pretzel with a broomstick?)

10. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday. (or 5th birthday depending on how flexible I’m feeling that day. LOL)

11. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

12. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so!” 😉

13. A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution. (hmm…solutions…reminds me of Chemistry…ah, I like those thoughts, especially of Organic Chemistry.)

14. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom. (That’s why laptops come in really handy.)

15. I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future? (Amen.)

16. The complete lack of evidence is the surest proof that the conspiracy is working. (I don’t know why, but George Michael’s “Faith” just popped in my head…oh, my.)

17. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he’s a mile away and barefoot.

Whew! Resolutions are done for the moment. Happy New Year to you all!
See you next year! 😉

Sliced by The Pear Lady

View a Random Slice

Want neat jokes delivered to your email for free that have great style? Join Joke-of-the-day! (no spam, minimal advertising) I get nothing for this plug, just sharing my good fortune. 😉